As mentioned in prior posts, things are quite stressful and busy right now. So blogging falls behind, as does working out, eating regularly and sleeping. Last week I managed the Herculean feat of going to one yoga session and one swim session. Mostly my frustration with my living situation has been fueling my energy, but as of late that has been burning out rapidly.
I am tired, fed up, and closing in on my breaking point. A couple of years ago, I would probably keep going without seeing the signs, but I am older and more experienced when it comes to meltdowns now, and know when I am balancing a very thin edge.
Last Friday was my friends bachelorette-party, and it was a success. Also really what I needed, and I had decided to take the weekend off, take some time to rest, maybe work out and read Jo Walton’s Among others, that I have chosen to write my exam on for a course in Gender perspective in literary analysis. I ended up being stressed, tired and unmotivated. I did manage to spend some well-needed hours with some girlfriends and watch some movies. But all the while carrying an under-current of anxieties.
I have lost my appetite. Since Friday morning I have eaten tree courses of food (2 eggs at two breakfast occasions and a salmon & cream cheese focaccia for early dinner today) and three OK substitutes (a smoothie for breakfast one day, a cup of instant ramen for lunch another and three slices of pizza for dinner during the bachlorette-party). Since there was a party and since I had an Advent get-together due Sunday, I also baked and have been eating quite a lot of cake and snacks. But even with that counted in, I am not eating enough and I really couldn’t care less.
I am so busy getting ends to meet, exams done and papers written on time that I feel like I am constantly working against a tide of emotional paralysis. And still things do get done, even though it is taxing.
Yesterday my stress-induced gum chewing went on for hours until I got lock-jaw, and it hasn’t really loosened up yet. Today, I’ve been nauseated for the past 10 hours. If I was a gambling kind of person, I would bet on tomorrow bringing tears.
Put The Cookie Down! 